I have planned to blog about many different things; (precisely) things that I feel that need to be said from my heart. But before I can move on and write my thoughts down, there is something I need to get open about. If I decide not to speak about this, then there is no point to blog in the first place.
I have had a wrong mindset creating this whole thing.
Few months ago, I thought back on a article I wrote almost a year ago. In that article, I was able not to just share “my-side-of-the-story” of a certain situation that happened in my life, but got to share about the scriptures that helped me through that situation and made me survive spiritually after the hardship.
As I thought about the article, I started to wonder how much I would like to share about the things I have learned in my life. I took out a notebook and a pen, ready to share about more different topics (topics that I will probably even blog about.)
I took out my bible, trying to find every single scripture I could find about a certain topic. As I scribbled through, I noticed a problem.
I could not find any scriptures.
Well, no actually I did find scriptures. Scriptures that are supposed to be related to the topic I wanted to think about.
The problem was that the scriptures went against what I wanted to talk about.
So I closed the notebook, sat down on the ground, and started to cry. (As a cry-baby would do, when things don’t go in her way.)
I noticed that my reason for writing (at that time) was not to encourage anyone, or even for me to grow and to learn anything new. My main goal was to point fingers at someone else being in the fault, to make (maybe even prove) myself being “better than the other person”.
When a disciple writes, it shouldn’t be to whine about someone else’s mistake but, if anything, calling out for people – to repent. For me, instead of being negative, I should be positive; not to just speak about the bad things around me, but to show people the gateway in the right direction.
As Paul when he wrote to the people in Rome:
Romans 1:11-12 (NIV)
“I long to see you so that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to make you strong – that is, that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith.”
I know what kind of headache I can have when someone never talks about anything encouraging, rather only talking about how others around them are doing wrong. It is not convicting, and how will this inspire me to persevere and grow in my relationship with God?
Now, don’t get me wrong; this did not make Paul non-radical by not speaking about the things needing to be spoken about (that is, being encouraging and lifting up other disciples). If anything, he had to speak about the good and the ugly if he wanted his brothers and sisters to understand the whole picture. And who knows, maybe something that I will write about someday will cut someone in the heart.
But if my focus is to “teach-others-and-I-don’t-need-to-change-in-anything”, then I would really just waste my time, rather than doing something productive, something that actually matters.
Romans 2:7-8 (NIV)
“To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honor and immortality, he will give eternal life. But for those who are self-seeking and who reject the truth and follow evil, there will be wrath and anger.”
My focus was not to personally be obeying God’s word and I definitely was not focusing in “doing good”. Couple of days later, after the crying, I noticed how I didn’t put the truth first. And for that I am sorry.
I am sorry to God for not doing all of this with a righteous heart on that day. It is also good to be open about this publically; so that I can’t easily bounce back before any of my fellow friends noticing. I hope that also me being honest about this will help me appreciate God’s Word even more than I have ever done before, and fall in love with more scriptures; that God can mold me into the woman He wants me to become.
Thank you for anyone who has been reading there entries so far. I am not done yet, so I hope you enjoy and that you will keep reading, if you are already set with that interest. 😉
The Few Brain Cells of Ann Cathrine Arneson 